When You Know He’s Mr. Wrong, Don’t Wait

By Annie

I once dated the quarterback of my high school’s football team. (We’ll call him Mike). I was the captain of the girls’ basketball team, so of course we were a natural fit. Well, if you base relationships on appearance and athletic ability. (Ahem: do not base relationships on appearance and athletic ability).

Mike and I dated for almost 9 years—all through our last two years of high school, through college, and then my 3 years of law school. We had little in common, but we forged an emotional attachment and soon found ourselves struggling with issues like sexual sin, anger, jealousy, and painful family situations. There was often so much “drama” in the relationship that we were both exhausted. We were churchgoers, but we were so attached to each other that God’s will for our relationship was never something we made a priority.

When we hit the nine year mark, God was weighing so heavily on my heart about our relationship that I was getting physically sick. Mike and I finally ended things for good.

Contrast my experience with Mike to the way my husband (John) dated me before we married. John and I met through a mutual friend. Nothing countryside-1851038_960_720fancy. No big setup. Just a dinner one night with big group of friends, and John happened to be there.

After three weeks of just getting to know each other, we started dating.

Right away, I noticed something different about John. He was smart and funny, which was great, but he was also noticeably reliable, responsible and had an excellent work ethic. He also seemed to have a strong family—a married mom and dad, and two sisters, to whom he was very loyal.

So loyal, in fact, that he wanted the counsel of his parents before he asked me to date him. And he even took the time to chat with my parents (who are long distance) by phone so they could get to know him.

John and I dated for one year. Our relationship could not have been more different than the one I had with Mike. We had lots of conversations at coffee shops, on spontaneous dates, and hanging out with his family. We addressed a variety of topics pretty fast – what is your relationship with the Lord like? What are your ideas for marriage? What kind of spouse do you want? What about kids? Do you want to send them to public school or homeschool them? What kind of career do you want to pursue? And so on.

John would plan secret-to-me dates that he called “unfathomable days of fun.” They included going to amusement parks, the zoo, concerts, etc… At around month ten, I was pretty sure I wanted to marry him. (He said he was ready at month two!) John came with zero drama. He was straightforward. Intentional. He called when he said he would, picked me up on time, never left me wondering if he liked me, and—gasp!—always remembered to open my car door. Even in the rain.

He still does that today, after 2 ½ years of marriage.

If you’re discouraged about the whole dating scene in your high school or college—or lack thereof–take heart! God was faithful in my life–despite my mistakes and detours–and He will be in yours too.

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